"Worst Spring Break Ever"

Thank you all so very much for your support this weekend. This has been a 2 1/2 year journey through hell. The highs "He's got this!" and the lows "he's may not get this" have been earth shattering. First you lose weeks of your self, then days, then you learn to compartmentalize. It has it's own little constant home in your heart: fear, grief, sadness.

Then, one day, you realize you have to have a life too because this could be your life for years and it can't all be bad because that would suck.

I have been very open about my son to my friends here in Co but his siblings have struggled. Brothers and sisters of addicts always worry that their friends and their friends' parents will reject them out of fear that their own child will be exposed. Fortunately, that has not seemed to be the case with my kids' friends, at least not that I am aware of, and I am so grateful. Nevertheless, they worry.

Siblings of addicts also get less time, less focus, and less attention when they share their parents with an addict. They are acutely aware of it, we all are, but there is nothing that can be done. The parents just want to keep the addict alive. This is true particularly when it gets to the level we are at, life and death. It certainly isn't for lack of people who care about Sam, and us.

My son also has the most amazing group of sober friends. If not for them, we surely would have not made it this far. When I say this far, I mean several medium chunks of days and many small chunks of days of sobriety, coupled with the the fact he is still alive. The parents of those sober friends are my lifeline, I also thank God for them every day.

Thank you all for your kind words of support. Thank you also to my amazing teacher and manager friends at Corepower Yoga for stepping up to teach my classes this weekend and for your support. Many of you have literally supported me since day one on this journey. I love you all.

My daughter summed it up last night when she said: "Not every single part of it, but as a whole, I have to say this has been the worst spring break ever." I would have to say she is right.

#nomoreshame