The Day Heroin Took Over

I don't remember April 4th one year ago but if I did, I would hold on tight and never let it go. It was the last day that I had any innocence regarding the level of my son's addiction. It was the last day before I knew he had progressed to heroin. I bet we all feel like that after we experience a profound tragedy or horrible news. We just want to go back one day and stay there. I had known it was bad, but nowhere in my wildest dreams did I believe it would ever progress to heroin. The worst of the worst.

The thing that makes heroin so bad is that addiction comes fast and once addicted, the user must continue to use or they will become violently ill. They begin to feel sick and it gets worse and worse and the only thing that will bring relief is more heroin. The other big problem with heroin is that relapse rate is so high. While days of sobriety mean everything, sometimes weeks, months, and even years mean nothing as the grim reaper calls the addict back.

Overdose deaths after years of sobriety are not uncommon. As a parent of a heroin addict, this is the worst possible knowledge to have and I know that my son has to put his sobriety first every singe day of his life. That is big, especially at 17.

Two of the most important men in my life are recovering alcoholics. My dad (who died in 2008) and my brother. My dad continued to battle his own demons throughout his life but was generous beyond words and a good man. I could tell him anything. My brother is amazing. He is kind, considerate, motivated, passionate about life, and has always been there for me. As a Radiologist (dad) and a defense lawyer, (brother) they both have had great success. My brother has been sober since he was Sam's age. I am used to seeing that side of recovery. The "winning" (as Charlie Sheen, to be completely ironic, would say) side. I am not used to this other side. This dark side.

When Sam went into rehab, I felt like he would just grab hold like my brother did. And, just like my brother, he would get back into school and begin to do great things. And, again, like both dad and brother, he would be wildly successful in spite of his addiction. Unfortunately, that is not how it works for everyone.

To be completely honest though, I have it better than so many. My son is still alive today. He has another chance. Another choice. I have dear friends who watched their son battle cancer as a young boy. Fortunately, he beat it and is now a gifted athlete and musician. I have another yoga teacher friend who watched her toddler daughter battle cancer last year. Again, her beautiful daughter is doing fantastic. Another very close friend watches her niece fight to survive cancer right now.

It pains me to know that these beautiful souls watched and continue to watch their children and loved ones go through this hell and that there was and is no choice involved whatsoever. I do believe addiction is a disease but once you have the tools and support, you can make a choice to recover.

I hold onto hope that my son makes that choice. As my dear friend Cindy says "Where there is life, there is hope." This picture was taken during a recent sober time. Sam is right. his little brother is left. I love them both, along with their other two siblings more than life itself. Thank you for reading. #nomoreshame