How Many Do We Have to Lose?
- akennedyruns11
- Dec 31, 2017
- 2 min read
After reading a story about the father losing his daughter to heroin on Christmas Eve, I have been brought slamming back to earth. That beautiful soul had one year sober. He zipped up her body bag himself because he had always promised her he would if she didn’t make it. Heroin sucks. Once again, the facts are right in front of me.
I live in a bubble of gratitude, hope, and fear, all at the same time. All parents of addicts do. Especially the ones like Sam that just keep swimming deeper and deeper into the abyss. Each time, he has been lucky enough to surface in time for air (sometimes requiring help to get there, obviously). For that, I have gratitude. I know several amazing recovering heroin addicts with long term sobriety. For that, I have hope. I have also read so many stories like the one I posted earlier today. Therefore, I also have fear. Of course I have fear. It doesn’t rule my life but there are times it gets paralyzing. That is when I usually post.
I used to think that my whole purpose for posting is to educate. To share heroin real time. However, I suddenly realize that I was unknowingly trying to use it for a purpose that it cannot serve: to save Sam. Maybe if I post it while it is happening something will shift. Maybe if I share and get momentum, I will never have to create a post like that father did. Maybe my blog can actually help to save my son.
That is bullshit. I don’t have that kind of power. No one does. Sharing our story has not been without its magic though. The magic has been for me. I have received so much support and love. You don’t know how much it means until you need it and you feel it lift your spirit. Thank you for that.
Happy New Year to all. My greatest wish is the same as every other parent: for my kids to have a happy and healthy life.
This boy, my second son, is one of my greatest joys/hopes/fears/and WTF?’s. I do not understand him but he holds my heart in his hands and always will.
Thank you for reading. Where there is life, there is hope. Love you. #nomoreshame
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