Happy Birthday to Me...?

Apr 5, 2017, 3:39 PM

Thank you all so very much for the wonderful birthday wishes, I am blessed with friends. Thank you also for your amazing support over the past several days. It has meant the world to me. I have read every comment and have seen every like and heart. You have lifted me up. Namaste.

I taught my first yoga class since Friday today. I am used to being strong in class, it has been a rough three years and I have taught many many classes. Today I cracked. Not dramatically, but I cracked. Yoga is truly a place of vulnerability. Like Jeanie said today (in the first class I have been able to take since Friday as well, a beautiful class too) "Yoga is about peeling the layers and getting unstuck" to paraphrase.

I feel lucky to have my yoga friends' support. If they had asked me to wait until I was sure I wouldn't break down, I may have never taught another class. Thank you Stacey for your talk before class. I am finding out just how hard it is to be normal right now. We will know within 24 hours what our next step is.

Sam is currently at an inpatient short term facility while we wait for insurance to approve inpatient treatment once again. He went directly to this facility, from St. Anthony's, via ambulance, at 3am on Sunday morning. I am not sure why it was middle of the night, probably just to keep beds open at the hospital.

Insurance did pay for one inpatient treatment last summer, we have paid the other three ourselves and my family has helped as well. We don't know if they will pay again. I. have to be honest, I see the strain on healthcare with this growing epidemic.

How many times can we really put people through treatment? The truth is, many many people need more than one. The other truth is that many addicts never remain clean after many treatments. What is the answer then? I don't know.

If insurance does help, there is only one option in state and we will not agree to it. I have heard enough to know it isn't a good fit for Sam. I have heard it is easy to make drug connections. No thank you, Sam is accomplished in that arena, he doesn't need any more help. We are pushing for Hazelden/Betty Ford in Minnesota again. It is a good facility and I have a strong base of friends and family there. If insurance won't cover we have to decide what's next.

Prior to his overdose, I had already kicked Sam out of my home (until he has 30 days clean). His dad had been letting him stay there. I. don't know what his dad's tolerance is but after reminding him to breathe from 7pm until 4am last Friday night, I don't know what mine is anymore either. We know that if one of us finds him OD'd in our home, there is a chance we can save him. If he is alone on the street, less of a chance.

If you have ever known a parent who lets their addicted son or daughter stay in their house, understand it is an excruciating decision to make, especially when they are at the door of death in their addiction. Never the less, Heroin and Meth are not welcome in my home, no matter what.

Frank lovingly tells us parents "you guys are bat-shit crazy, but of course you are. Your kid is an addict and you can't save him because he has to save himself." We just smile and nod because we know he is right. We are. When your kid is an addict, you become certifiable, bat-shit crazy, no doubt about it. Thank you each for reading and for your kind encouragement.

#nomoreshame