Collateral Beauty

Apr 17, 2017, 6:43 PM

Throughout our battle with Sam's drug addiction, I have been so grateful for his sober friends. They are a group of amazing young people. These kids have supported him for 2 1/2 years. Every time Sam has left for treatment, he has been welcomed back into the group with open arms. Many young addicts don't have any sober friends.

When I went to the family weekend at Hazelden/Betty Ford last summer, I met so many young people who were literally going back to exactly where they came from after discharge. Their only friends were their using friends. I held so much comfort in that Sam would always be coming back to his sober group. Now that things have gotten this bad and we have chosen the course of treatment we have, things will be different when Sam does return.

Cornerstone does not support the use of drugs to treat drug addiction. I completely understand their position. It is a big risk to have kids in the group using drugs that could get other kids high. I believe it would also require extra licensing to treat kids who are also being treated with medication. While I do understand, It makes me sad to know that Sam will no longer be a part of this amazing group and all the cool things they do.

I had always hoped Sam would eventually "graduate" from the program. Graduation is held once a year. Certain kids are selected to graduate each year based on their length of sobriety and their readiness to enter the adult world and find outside meetings and stay sober. Frank speaks at the ceremony and each of the kids talk as well. It is so wonderful to see how much they have grown in their sobriety through the years.

After they graduate, they are sometimes invited back for the bigger holiday parties and celebrations, but that is it. This dream of mine goes into the "not gonna happen" box along with high school, prom, and all those other things I have had to let go of. Not my life, not my destiny. Not only did Sam spend a lot of time and meet some great lifetime friends at Cornerstone, I did as well.

I have spent most Monday evenings and many Thursday evenings at the shop for parent meetings for the past 2 1/2 years. The other parents in the group are some of the neatest people I know and so are their kids. They have become some of my closest friends. No one understands what it is like to parent an addict except another parent of an addict. They have given me so much strength and hope. I know they will always be there for me and support me but I don't really know where I fit in at this point. I know I can still go to meetings, but maybe it is too weird if Sam isn't going back. I haven't decided yet. Lots of changes and decisions I didn't think I would ever have to make.

If you had told me that I would agree to put my kid on Suboxone, I would tell you that you are crazy. If you think there is no way you would ever put your own kid on Suboxone, you would need to be in my shoes: You would need to have had your kid in 5 treatments in the past 2 1/2 years and done everything in your human power to support their recovery the "right" (whatever you think that is) way.

You would then have to almost lose them to an overdose and sit with them all night in the ER reminding them to breathe, followed by 6 more days in the hospital waiting for placement in a treatment facility.

Once your kid is in a facility that is well known to be one of the best (if not the best) young people's treatment facility in the world, you would have to get the call from the medical director. He would tell you that you are losing this battle and running out of time. He would tell you that if your kid goes out and does heroin again, he will likely die. He would implore you to reconsider your stance against Suboxone because he feels it might be the one and only opportunity to save your kid's life at this point. He would then have to let you know that he doesn't want you coming back to him after it is too late wondering why you didn't try this one last thing. You might still think you would say no, but until you have walked this journey in the way I have, you will never know. I hope you never have to make the decision. I would not wish it on anyone.

Today I will continue to support my son in his journey to recover. Instead of insisting he do it my way, I will recognize that he needs to do it his way. Thank you for reading. Where there is life, there is hope. Love you.#nomoreshame