Blogging For Heroin

March 31, 2019 marked the second anniversary of Sam’s intentional heroin overdose. He'd had enough of his addiction and enough of his failure to stay sober. He was done. He wanted to die. No one ever talks about the anniversary of a suicide attempt. Until now, I never thought about it myself. Since that day, my primary focus has been to write an honest perspective as a mom whose son is a heroin addict. Just like the first anniversary of Sam’s overdose, nothing has changed and everything has changed.

I recently watched the movie “Free Solo”. In many ways, it was like watching my own son in a different venue. Once Alex Honnold reached the top of El Capitan, my first thought: “That’s it, he has done his heroin of climbing and he can’t top it. He will either recognize it and stop or die trying, just like so many of his friends.” I understand extreme sports and the rush of adrenaline, been there done that. But in truth, most of us adrenaline junkies have a stopping point. We find a “good enough” in our extreme adventures. People like Sam don’t. Only three things stop a heroin addict like Sam: Death, recovery, and prison.

Sam managed to evade both death and recovery before he landed in Crowley County Correctional Facility as a felon two weeks ago. This wasn’t the place we expected him to end up, not sure why his course was changed at the last minute. Now that he is officially in prison, his biggest nemesis will once again be opioids, likely in pill form. I have been told that the biggest way to protect him from getting into the drug scene in prison is to give him very little money. I am more than happy to comply.

As I frantically worked to publish this blog on March 31, the two year anniversary of Sam’s overdose, I was fraught with anxiety. Unlike my usual Facebook posts, written very casually and conversationally, my thoughts became stifled and the words would not come at all. Additionally, the tremendous work of setting up a blog without even so much as a clue has been daunting to say the least. Every time I managed to create a page I was happy with I also messed the other pages up. I wanted to quit more than once but I truly believe in the necessity of getting real about heroin addiction.

Time and time again I have had to remind myself what my three goals are. One, to continue to write Sam’s story. Two, to tell the stories of other Colorado heroin addicts and their loved ones. Three, to ensure that every high school in Colorado stocks its own supply of Narcan so we are prepared for an overdose. Simple, straightforward, and worthwhile.

Where there is life, there is hope. #nomoreshame