A Visit Before the Shutdown

I was finally able to spend some quality time with Sam last weekend. The difference between Crowley and Camp George West is stark. Access is simple, the guards are friendly, the food is good, and forward progress continues. It makes sense, he transferred from a privately-run medium security prison to a state-run minimum which is focused on re-entry into society.

This visit felt different than all the others. It seems like Sam is slowly becoming willing to reconnect with the outside world. Instead of talking about the inner workings of prison (the tools the inmates create for various tasks, the ways they cover for each other, the latest fights, and any other interesting prison gossip), we talked about his current in-house job as a cook, his hopes to get on a road crew soon, the latest good books to read and current news.

It is hard to believe that 18 months have passed since his arrest and incarceration. We marveled at how time has flown. Sam insisted that each mundane uneventful day in Crowley felt like it was going to last forever. I told him that I sometimes felt that way as a stay home mom to littles.

It seems like yesterday that I was just trying to breathe through the chaos of raising 4 children and suddenly my last one has just two years of high school left. It reminds me that through the good, the bad, and the ugly, the clock just keeps ticking and there is no way to stop it. We can't pause, we can't fast forward, we just have to be. The phrase "today is all we really have" isn't a cliche' after all.

Colorado correctional facilities have just, as I write this, suspended all visiting due to the coronavirus. Sam was looking forward to seeing his aunt and uncle from Florida this weekend and I am sure he will be disappointed, as will they. When this same action was taken in Italy, prisoners at a medium security prison revolted. Of those that escaped, 12 died of drug overdoses and 11 are still on the loose. I am relieved that Sam was transferred before this began.

Prison is not the place to be in a pandemic. Overcrowding and almost constant indoor containment is a breeding ground for illness. Lake of exercise, stress reduction, and good food contributes to the problem as well. Sam had severe pneumonia as a child and frequently catches respiratory illnesses. He was sick several times in Crowley. I expect that prisons exposed to the coronavirus may get hit hard because there is literally nothing that can be done to limit exposure.

Camp George West is comprised of many buildings and a large outdoor area. The inmates have constant access to the outside. Even the phones are outside. Sam said he walks around the entire property several times a day. He appreciates his newfound access to nature. He came from concrete, metal, and hopelessness in the middle of nowhere to trees, grass, birds, outside life, and is much closer to home.

Sam scored the golden ticket when he left Crowley but it wasn't luck that got him to Golden. He did everything that was required of him from the time he got to Crowley to the time he left. He got along well with others, treated everyone with respect, and didn't cause trouble. I hope he is able to link his actions with the results. He needs to recognize that this "gift" was given to him because he deserves it.

Time flies but some things don't change. Hanging out with Sam, his dad, his sister, and his Grandma on Saturday helped me to recognize that the bonds of our family have not been weakened by Sam's heroin addiction and incarceration but rather have grown stronger. We ate great food, sat on comfortable chairs, and had lively and humor filled conversations. Sam is still one of the funniest young men I know. He has matured and developed a sense of confidence that I hope serves him outside of prison too. So many people love and support him. He just needs to believe in himself and I hope his time in Golden is a catalyst for that as well.

This picture is one of my favorites. Sam smoking cigars with his uncle and cousins at their cabin, Thanksgiving 2017. It was 8 months after his overdose and 7 months before his incarceration. It was a morsel of time that will live on in my mind forever. We played games, went bouldering, and had a great time together. He was sober, hopeful, and there was light in his eyes. He can be that way again.

Where there is life, there is hope. #nomoreshame