"A Cold Day in Hell"

The last time Sam called me from prison was nearly three weeks ago. He was really angry and told me he would NEVER "put someone in this place" and "it will be a cold day in hell before I will EVER thank you for this".

I guess I had it coming. Don't ever ask a current inmate if they think that incarceration is actually the best thing that could have happened. I was so jazzed about Sam completing his GED that I pushed the conversation too far.

That question is probably best left for the time the prisoner has actually been released, learned from the experience, and turned their life around.

To the parent of a child who is NOT addicted to drugs, those words must sound like they would cut directly through the middle of my soul. There was a time they would have. However, Sam and I have been doing this dance for nearly five years. If his heart is beating and he is not doing heroin, I am o.k.

I am well over being offended or intimidated by a heroin addict. It is his choice to communicate with me or not. I stay in the know by talking to his dad, who he still calls daily, sometimes multiple times a day.

I am going to wear his anger and resentment as my coat of armor. I know in my heart that my son would quite possibly be dead now if I had not stepped up to turn him in. It was a painful and gut-wrenching experience but it was the right thing to do.

He does not recognize that now but one day he will walk out those doors and have many choices to make. He can opt to continue in sobriety and stay clean and if he does so, our relationship will heal itself in time. If he doesn't, our relationship will be the least of his worries. Or mine. There is positively no reason for me to think that far ahead.

Every day he is not using is a day for him to find his reason and purpose. Where there is life, there is hope. Always in gratitude. #nomoreshame